I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
