I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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