now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
