You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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