i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
