If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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