she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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