I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
