last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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