how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
