I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
