The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
