This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
