She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
