Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
