Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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