Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
