Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You made out with two different species that night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
