at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
