Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
