ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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