the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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