Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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