whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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