Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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