dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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