Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my being single is dangerous.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
