My liver just broke up with me...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
