I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
