is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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