I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Pants are for mortals
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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