i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
