Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
