I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
