Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
