Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
