if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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