So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
