Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize