Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
