Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
