Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
