I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
