a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
