Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
