so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
