4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We left the knife in your bed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize