Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
time to smoke my breakfast
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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