your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
