we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
