Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
