She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
