guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
