Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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