At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize