The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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