i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
