omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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