that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
did i just pee glitter
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
