im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
