Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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