if you like me you must not know who I am
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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