I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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