what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
