im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
